we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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