the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
