i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
