i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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