Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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