actually, I'm a sock model
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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