youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
