Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize