he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
