I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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