Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
