I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
