you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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