So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
