I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
