dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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