We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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