She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
