i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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