the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
