I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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