Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
