Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
