non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
