A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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