i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
