Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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