why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
