I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
