Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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