There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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