omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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