What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
