i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
