Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
