have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
