You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
