i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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