id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
