wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
