allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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