I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
