I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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