my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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