I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
