he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
