i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
