so that wasnt chicken after all
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
