It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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