My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
